Lacking luster. . .

Life seems to be lacking luster...

Have you heard that diamonds, when found in a mine, are pretty plain, really just looking like glass? They don't gain their real beauty and luster until they have been polished, cut, and set. Sure, they are still valuable--but not to the general public.

Life around our house is lacking luster right now--no, not just the "oh, we're all sick and the house is a mess" lacking luster--not the daily struggle of just life--a deeper lacking. On March 17th, my FIL passed away after just 6 weeks of diagnosed cancer, only about 6-7 months of getting cancer. He was dad to 6, FIL to 4, Papa to 19 grandchildren (1 on the way) and 5 great-grandchildren (1 on the way), brother to 9 still living, cousin and uncle to numerous family, friend to even more. Life, since the busyness of his sickness and then the sudden loss, is lacking luster. Despite the bright sunshine outside (finally), life is still not sunshiny for us yet. It will take quite some time I'm sure. Yes, there are lustrous moments for the kids and myself--maybe even for dh, but they are definitely lacking. Even the excitement of going to a new OB soon will have a bittersweet twang to it. It's exciting to see the new life inside me, but knowing this little one will never know it's Papa is just heart-wrenching. He was such a light in their lives--he brought joy, sugar, and fun, all wrapped up in one single afternoon just about every Sunday and then a few extra weekends throughout the year. He built a "train" to take them on trips "around the world", or well, around the block to see the "Grand Canyon" and "Mighty Redwoods". [for those of you who don't know, we live in SW MO--no where near any of these sights, just a creek bed and a few trees] There were kite days, pony and mule rides, even for the littlest, camping trips, and no matter how frustrating and frightening his ideas were sometimes for us parents, they made tremendous memories. His last conversation with me, 6 days before he passed, he told me he hoped he was a good dad, a good FIL. I probably didn't know if he was coming or going most the time (at which, I laughed and shook my head, tears streaming down) and that's okay cause he didn't know if he was either. He also reassured me that it would be okay--he pointed up, knowing where he was headed in the afterlife. Heaven. Comforting, yet it still hurts. It hurts to see my MIL alone--just lacking luster around here.

Hope you don't really understand, but hope this might be comforting in some sort of way. It's not really for you, but for me that I am blogging................just me............